Wednesday, 4 June 2014

The Penny That Dropped For Me

Every individual in the awakening process would put the moment when the penny dropped for them, the moment when all their suspicions that something was not right suddenly come together at a rate that they experience a revelation.

For a long time the impression that I had when the penny dropped was the plunge into depression and mental meltdown. I had been raised in an authoritative environment, and had high expectations of getting the results of telling the system what it wanted to hear.

But I think the real big penny, among many that dropped the closing dark days of 2010, was the fact that no matter what I did, how hard I worked, how perfect my grades were, it was never good enough for the shallow minded authoritarian pigs in the house.

It was not enough that I was in the top ten in secondary/middle school. It wasn't an elite school, in their viewpoint, so to them getting that high in the school's ranking was no big deal to them. It didn't matter that the effort put in involved sacrificing of free time for recreation, going out to movies with friends, having a life.

Because in their view, the only thing that mattered is the results.

Given after my mental meltdown, the belief that the same authoritarian pigs in the house would have changed their attitudes by then was a gravely mistaken one.

After leaving the job that had caused the stress and depression problems, wandering for years without one, and finally getting the current one that I am happy to be in, they gave the crap about my salary, based on the outdated mentality that the size of the paycheck was important above all else, etc, etc, etc.

The authoritarian pigs that to this day carry the same mentality that said getting top grades in a school that was not part of the 'elite' brand of schools was nothing.

It brought back the bad old days of high school/junior college and the endless condemnation for not doing well, not because I was lazy, but because I realized the fraud of aiming for top grades and the pointlessness of having done so in previous years.

To this day it still burns thinking about it and how I sacrificed my growing up years for the biggest nothing in history that is a piece of paper that is the reward for telling the public education system what it wanted to hear.

The process of having to memorize reams of texts and definitions to maximize marks in the exam also had a negative tendency of expressing myself in long-winded statements in casual conversation, a tendency that I have attempted time and again to break, with little success.

More criticism of the education system here:

And so my D-Day came when I stopped giving a fuck what anyone thinks, society included, including the authoritarian pigs in the house that don't deserve the label, 'parents'. The day when I realized the system for what it was, absolute bullshit, when I stopped giving in to fear what they thought of me, or what society thinks.

After all that they have done to me, they can slowly rot to death in their own hell.

And of course the rest is history with the future seeing myself detaching from all forms of establishment belief systems and boxes of perception, in the march up the mountain path to the Truth.

I prefer going on the adventure than staying within the 'safe' walls of the mind prison. Much better than being like certain brainwashed pHd types that I know well who have completely sold their souls to the satanic system and dismissed anything outside their perception of the possible as conspiracy theories.